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panicking slightly but OH's indefinite composure halted me from camping in the sewing room. It's not like I can do anything anymore tonight if I camp there. I've been sewing for 2 days straight.. I really need a break before I break myself.. or the machine.. na'uzubillaah.. hehehe OMG, the sewing machine have been with me almost a year!

Here's some of the clutches I made over the past 2 days (monochromed to leave a bit of suspense when I update the relevant blog)

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.. thanks to the pink stilettos ;) for the really nice review. Love the photos to bit. These are not even half of it though.. then I still have a few more SNUGG SSCs and SNUGG MTs to make.. *maintains composure* it's all down to actually having time to complete them.. but the fact that they are not done yet at this very moment does make me fidgety.

Everything happened during the past few weeks. From untimely death to house hunting. Within a week, we had to drive to KL 2 times.. there's that course OH took (and passed alhamdulillah). Then 3 parties in a day... which also include BBQ at home.. Helping sis sort out her own sewing workshop.. well if you count all that..'this put here, this put there, point this, point that' hahaha.. Insisting her to get the place running first before thinking about the shade of blue the wall should be in.. hehe.. I think I would have done the same in similar circumstances.

Oh well.. I think I should divert my thinking to something else before starting to be restless again...

Let's talk about packing *rubbing hands with gleeeeee*

We're not taking the stroller, finally it's decided. one being the safety issue with maclaren strollers which of course includes volo.. and we yet have time to sort it out but since the 2 places we'll be crashing there provide stroller, we'll be fine without it for the other few days. Enters SSC, and pouch!

a backpack, 1 big luggage, trunki, my sling bag

bringing wipes, dispos AND a few CDs

5 days worth of clothes plus sweaters and jackets

CAMERA, notebook, PSP, mobile phone -- GPS, chargers, spare batteries, spare memories, travel adapter

flip flops.. coz we're going to the beach too so need to bring somekind of beach wear as well..

travel docs

Afya's top to toe, sunblock and hat

toiletries

travel pillow for OH

my oldtown tea hahah, instant noodles (dunno why but we're not suppose to bring curry flavoured ones)

hmmm... feels like I'm forgetting something...

ok good night all, it'll be a looooooong week

I can't say this enough... step into others' shoes only if they fit.. in other words. Stop living other ppls' lives. Don't judge what you think other ppl is doing with their lives unless you are in the middle of it. The thing that is concerning most to me is of course, parenting choices.

If I were asked about breastfeeding and my thoughts on it is that it's the one most difficult thing I had to do in my daughters' first 2 years of life. I would say that it wasn't so much of the soreness, or moments with low supply, mostly it's just emotionally draining.. and the constant constant breastfeeding sessions and next comes the empathy nod from the one who asked the question, 'oooh...' or maybe it's more like, "aaaah..."

When I try to remember more, it's almost like opening pandora's box.. it all started to emerge. The uncertainties.. the STABBING EXCRUCIATING PAIN I had the first month at the spinal site, the problems with latching.. the whispers saying 'OMG your dotter is sooo going to gantung with you like forever', the things I read on the web that are so clashing with my own personal experience which gave me the highest level of doubts and insecurities, not having anyone to turn to, being so sick of breastfeeding that I literally almost threw up.. that lump I had in my throat when I just had to tell OH that I'm so sick of breastfeeding.. trying to be careful with my choice of words so that he doesn't think I'm saying that it's Afya that's making me sick and that it's the constant breastfeeding instead, and not to mention the buckets of tears poured (mine probably trumped Afya's).. now.. after reading that you may think you understand what I went through.. heck you probably went through it too, but what I wrote is still only the gist of it. To actually be able to understand, you not only need to be there to witness it all.. you need to be me.. the one who actually experienced it. Just from this one paragraph that I've written, it's just not enough to paint the picture. Even if you've had experienced similar problems, my baby is an individual. I am an individual. If something u did worked for you, no way, that the same thing would definitely work for me too. So.. are we still in the same boat now.. have I lost you along the way..?

Having mentioned the few things that I just couldn't mention before, (I dunno for what reason but most probably just wanting to avoid being judged by ppl who easily make their own conclusion simply by making their own deduction, Like.. captain obvious goes, ooo why didn't u do this and this and I'll be like concentrating hard trying to remember why I didn't try the obvious.. ooo maybe COZ IT DIDN'T WORK after the gazilionth time?!) I still stand by breastfeeding. I will do it again and again (planned to have 3). Breastfeeding is the best.. and that's a fact. What I can't stand though is that we are starting to become too extreme with it that instead of gentle persuasions, educating and presenting the benefits, we are starting to look down upon mothers that choose to do it differently. I'm drawing a line. We are not doing just if by promoting breastfeeding, we are also stepping on other ppls head.

Breastfeeding is not wajib. Probably the hukum is very very close to wajib but in the exact sentence in the Quran it is stated that mothers (and fathers) are given the choice to do otherwise if necessary (in the modern context, to give formula milk to their babies) as long as the father bears the expenses (or something like it -- the father bears the expenses part). Islam is just great and it's obvious. Allah knows that breastfeeding is not a simple thing to do less it would have been wajib. Mothers are still given a choice. It's not like covering the aurah. It is wajib.. nowhere in the quran says you have a choice to expose your aurah in front of a non-mahram (unless in darurat). Covering the aurat --- is just too easy (doing it in style probably tricky hehe). So my argument is very simple... mothers (and fathers) are given the choice. Parenting can never be easy. Maybe you can argue that breastfeeding is so much easier than giving bottle and that it is true to you but who are you to say that breastfeeding is an easier option for another mother too? I probably dun have to start on breastfeeding and having to deal with your older children's needs too.

So with all these very difficult parenting choices that we have to make (yes which probably also includes whether or not to send our children to kumon LOL) I think as long as the parents are doing what THEY think is best and that it is an informed decision -- that they know the pros and cons of the choices they made.. following the quran and sunnah, that they are well read, and they had to choose to give their babies the bottle (FM) with whatever excuse or excuses they came up with to tell you, it is THEIR choice to make and we actually dun even have the right to ask for their reasons and excuses to have chosen a different style or parenting path.. and they just shouldn't even be bothered to give one or ten. It's their life.. their children, they are doing the best that they see fit for their family. So who are you again...? The 2nd mother? We can however try to understand what other parents are going through and show some support and share knowledge and share our parenting experiences. Give a hand if they need help or simply guide them to someone who can help. There's no where in Quran saying we can mock or taunt them.

In the end, don't make the same mistake that our parents and our parents' parents did.. don't let the society dictates what is right or wrong, and pressure parents into making choices that's not right for them. Instead of reaping benefits, more problems arises and leaving everyone downright miserable, affecting their state of mind, health and faith in the end. This was one of the reasons that at one time formula milk was deemed better than breastmilk and that we forgot to breastfeed our own babies.

Hopefully this will serve as a reminder to myself not to get too sucked in with any parenting fad and forgetting that other mommies have feelings too, some are not as fortunate as others, and that although we are great at being superwomen, none of us is Superwomen. Come on.. support each other.. being a mommy is challenging enough..  being sneered by another mother will only make it difficult.

Oh please please please don't smoke with your child is sitting on your lap.. it's just not right.

I haven't been managing time really properly. I think at this rate I won't be able to tie up loose ends before I go for the holidays. Spending time away from blogging still doesn't give me the extra time I need.. hehe. I was in KL last 2 weekends and got things to tell about the place we stayed.. but I didn even take any photos. Well.. conclusion --- I still can't shop at Jalan TAR. It's just too uncomfortable.. and wierd.. plus didn't get much done while we were there. So dun think will go there again.

Last weekend we had to stay home. OH wanted to take us to taiping since the petting zoo entry is basically the waterpark entry and we dun intend to go all out with playing water esp in this kinda weather but I jast can't.. I needed more time.. I need to slow down. Either that or I'm just panicking about my t-20 days to tie up loose ends.. hehe. Knowing myself.. it's most probably the latter.

Weekends.. the usual.. dine out, breakfast at kopitiams. Afya drew faces summore.. she's liking the pen and paper thing even more now that she's able to draw something we can relate to.

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aaaaaand.. highlight of the weekend. Finally found an appropriate bookshelf that I have always wanted. I dun like the colour.. but it has to do. If I still feel so peeved with the colour maybe later on I can cover it with wallpaper. But yea.. glad that the size is so appropriate. Would love it more if it goes up to the ceiling.. well.. beggars can't be choosers right?

Oh, I should show you the little fixing I did to make this tall bookshelf toddler proof. When we bought this, we specifically told the sales person (in her native language) that we need them to help us fix it to the wall when it's sent over. But.. the message didn't get through apparently. They didn bring any tools with them *sigh* So, we DIY-ed a bit and make it safe in case that budak kecik intends to climb it when no one's watching (still in the middle of spring cleaning.. mind the coverless couch and I really need to do something with the feature wall.. it's just soo sad...)

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that's in this cute lil bag?.. thee hee hee...

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I can't imagine myself being more serabut than I already am.. everything is all over the place.. oh well.. maybe also it's just that time of the month. Oh yes.. successfully got myself hooked to milk tea. not any kind of milk tea... it has to be as strong as a good cup of teh tarik.. so I'm drinking old towns instant how-many-in-1 milk tea.. now at 2 cups a day..

..great.. I hate tea.. I miss coffee... now I'm contemplating to replace that 2 cups of tea.. man.. I get addicted too easily.

the picture..

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I was awake at 4 and couldn't get back to sleep. No, am not clinically depressed coz I'm generally very merry (blame merry sprites and merry hearts for usage of word haha) My body just do that sometimes... I bet some of you experience the same thing too. What more with wudhu I'm still not sleepy now and it's past 6 am already. So I was sorting out my pictures and what not while listening to some music.. and I really dunno how this got into my playlist.. the first time listening to it and it's great. It got me with the bassy intro..  Somehow the song feels right at this hour... I dun really know what exactly it's trying to say.. but I'm sure there's a message in there. Yeah... deep down, I am worried about the bigger things.. petty things.. I can just dust it off.. but the inevitable... *sigh*

Anyways.. it's a good song.. hoping OH will listen to it later.. oh and I googled it.. and what do you know.. it's an australian band! coincidence? and I'm thankful that I listened to the unplugged version first coz I think his voice at the beginning of the ori version is annoying. hahaha.. hmm.. where's my harmonica.. hope it hasn't rusted yet..

... I'm such a sucker for acoustic versions.. and unpluggeds... I could listen to blurry acoustic all night...

This is one of the things I've been doing this week. I have been keeping myself off the computer a bit coz LO just cannot see me on the PC else she'd be.. UP TO TEN.. nak!!! repeat infinite times or until mommy caves in. Rekindling my passion for knitting is great coz it's one of the things I can do while I sit playing/reading/whatever with her.

I started knitting 3 yrs ago I believe.. and you'd think I knit baby stuff while I was pregnant.. but no. I think it's just unpractical coz it's too hot la.. and judging from many photos of my LO in just diapers kinda justifies it.. so no, I didn't knit any baby thing. I did knit a laptop bag though.. maybe I'll look for it later and put up a picture of it. I stopped knitting after I gave birth to Afya..

Then I saw shmontel's friend's blog long long time ago (i dun remember who, sorry).. how she recycles t-shirts into yarn and have always wanted to try it.. then... remembering that the place we're going can be quite cold.. and we have sorted out LOs warmies but then I remember that most heat excapes from the head.. and so I thot it'd be cool to make a beanie hat for her.. then I got all excited and bugged OH to get me circular needle haha.. here's some photos of the project.. I mutilated a very very loose mishapen knit blouse which keeps showing off my skin even with my wide hijab and since this is kinda new to me.. I'm taking it slow.. then there's the length shortage problem.. and no more time to make more t-shirt yarn.. so I mix em up with my old yarns.. so I dunno.. I feel like I wanna start over.. have to put up the hat picture later coz I haven't taken a picture of it.. but the good thing is that it fits.. tapi macam pendek pulak.. and hey.. apparently knitting is also like riding a bike ;)

and I really have to add.. still listening to it.. the song is really good..

and my sister's b'day today.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and all the best in whatever you decide to do. help is just a yahoo messenger away provided the connection doesn't suck and Afya doesn't go UP TO TEN, NAKK!!!!

after trying to get this to run on my computer for sometime, finally got it to work... but no time to play :(

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OH and I were toying with an idea.. and I got really really thrilled and came up with this! I think it's very practical.. and to me (who has a 2 yr old, pop-in and pop-out, wants to be carried only after a long tiring walk) I was thinking of not bringing any ssc/mei tai for the end of year trip. But now OH said we should bring it! hehe

snugg carrier sleeve

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